I cancelled my Spotify subscription

I cancelled my subscription to Spotify today.

I was listening to the music or podcast on Spotify for 10 hours or more in a day for 10 years or so.I have been always wearing the earphone and trying to distract myself from my own thoughts and the noisy world around me.

In the early years, I got so excited for this app because I can listen to any kind of music. I can download and listen to my favourite albums and artists anytime. That was really a big moment of my life. I no longer need my Walkman with me. I just need a phone and earphone. It became my comfort, freedom and my resort. It became a part of my life. Very important part of my life.

As a person with ASD, bipolar and panic disorder, the world without earphone and music is so cruel and nauseating. All those information, ugh, it makes me sick. I felt like I cannot live without them.

However, here I am, clicking the button "cancel the subscription". What changed?I cannot really explain well. It was this feeling of tiredness that has been bothering over years. I feel that instead of getting peace of mind, I am constantly tired and not attentive.

I do not get excited by hearing music like this anymore. I miss appreciating an album as a work of storytelling. I miss when I enjoyed music. I listened with joy and curiosity, not to distract myself from the world.

To be honest, I might return to the music platform like Spotify soon. It might turn out to be awful without music in my ear all the time. But hey, it is worth trying.